Lisa Turtle Made Me Do It

Reading Yahoo's home page is a daily activity for me, a stopover before I check my e-mail, FB, Blogs, etc. One of the headlines last week said, "Interview with Lisa Turtle" I clicked on the link, excited to read the latest about Lark Voorhies who played Lisa Turtle on Saved by the Bell, picturing her as a top executive with a company in a crisp pencil skirt and silk blouse. What I saw stunned me. I mean literally stopped me in my tracks.

How I remember her:

What. The. H.

She used to be beautiful. Flawless. Normal. The question loomed: What road has she ventured down that lead her to where she is now, a barely recognizable version on her former self? I took stock of the changes: Skin lightening (and discoloration), plastic surgery, nose job, bloated appearance, bad dye job, harsh make-up... just to name a few. Who in the world told her that she needed to change a single thing about herself and why did she listen??

Something inside of me snapped. A dam burst. I don't wanna. I don't want to get caught up in all of it. I hate "getting ready" as it is. Working out (and having to shower) this much has taught me that quick and simple is so much better than taking painstaking care on my daily appearance. Something about strength training has made me realize that beauty is really what you put into something, not something that you put on. Character is who I am, not who you see.

After watching the video, I made asked God to help me be free of the person I wanted people to think I am and instead be myself. Immediately I switched back to bare minerals and then made the most radical hair decision I have ever made in the 16 years I have been coloring it: I decide to go closer to my natural color.

I know, I have a flair for the dramatic: blonde, no, chocolate, no, blonde, hey-- black! When it comes to hair I am neither subtle or middle of the road. Editor's confession: I think I wanted attention. Not by changing it often, but by choosing only from the bold section of colors when I did dye it. Well, forget attention- that's whats great about being in my 30's. Don't give me attention. Please please don't.

Now, I have at least 3 very talented hair style friends who would (and will) shoot me if they read this. I went to Sally's and bought a color-stripper, with the desired result to be "burnt orange in color." Also the box said, "be ready to apply dye right over this immediately after." I bought light ash brown, knowing that my dramatic self was grimacing at my mousey self, but I knew it was time to try.

Stripping.

Burnt Orange Color: Chhhheck. And: Yiiiiikes.

The result:

It might not look that much different, but that's the good news. Subtle.

Next Step:
This is not just a wait-and-grow-out process, oooh noooo. I still need help, but it's mostly with toning and getting the overall effect that I want to end up with. Flashing back to 14, I remember my natural color having blonde highlights, similar to Survivor Kim's color in the photo in the center. When I did a search for the color I wanted to end up with, a term I'd never heard before came up: Balayage. Essentially it sweeps the color on to look like a natural highlight, but with roots. I needed my hair lighter in order to try this at the salon so that the "growth" process wasn't as scary. I have a favorite of the photos below. We'll see...

When my hair starts growing out, I have no idea if there will have grey hair or not. Listen for the shriek. I might swing on the hair color pendulum when winter arrives, but I hope to be more discerning about my choices and why I make them. Besides, thanks to television I know that one wrong choice could send me down a path to looking like Lisa Turtle or even worse, a Real Housewife *shudder.*

If She Gets Any Thinner, We'll Have to Call Her Simply "Mal."

My Mallory. She has joked for years that when we walk next to one another that we make the number "10," and I am allowed to smile at that because I am her sister. She has been the epitome of a confident beauty and has always ALWAYS had a take it or leave it attitude.  She's always dressed faster than me. She gets places on time. She not only chooses amazing gifts for people, but she takes careful time to wrap them. I've been jealous of her for years.

It's been my fervent wish that everyone would know the same Mallory that I do. She told me this weekend that while many might have looked at her and thought "she needs gastric bypass," she's daily read medical charts of the all the nasty side effects and negative consequences of the procedure and vowed to never become one of its voluntary victims. She always knew that once she set her mind to it, that she would lose weight the hard way.

Discounting gastric bypass, Mallory met one of my friends, Victoria Popoff, who took one look at Mallory and said, "If you put in the work, it WILL come off. Are you ready?" Mallory, who started in December, eased in slowly, ramping up her workouts, then beginning a clean food diet, from which she has not cheated ONCE in 9 weeks. She told me this weekend "I've cheated for 27 years. No more." I've seen Mallory find her inner strength, peace, drive, and determination. It's exhilarating and infectious.

I think it's actually quite ironic ha-ha funny that I have been a serial dater, while she's dated only a couple of times, and we've both arrived at a similar crossroads in our journeys: single and strong. There is obviously something that we've both needed to learn before adding anyone else to the equation.

Some of the before photos shock me now. Here we are garage saleing in September 2009 (and the famous half-price muffins).

But something snapped and she started running circles around me.

She's hanging around Studio V daily. Victoria owns this Studio and has mentored Mallory every step of the way. She's amazing.

The Before and the... Progess. She's still at it, working harder than ever! This before was at my graduation April 2009, and the progress photo was 2 weeks ago after the reveal of the 8-week bootcamp. Mal was working out before the 8-weeks started, but the moment she began the diet she began shrinking, now down 33 inches and 17.2 pounds. Her smile could have powered all the businesses of Downtown Modesto.

She cut me out of the photo, but I was there too. Hey look! We're the number 11!!!

I'm so freaking proud of you, Mallory!
Thank you for inspiring me and I can't wait for the next round of progress photos. See you tonight at the Studio!

Can't You Do Any Better?

You all have been so wonderful voting for my new logo. I didn't explain that it wasn't my new business logo, it's the identifier that I will use on the cover of all my digital books and articles. Sorry for the lack of information. My logo will be a simpler version of this design. Anyway, most of you voted and made a comment here and there, but one person responded back-- "Can't you do any better?"

*gulp*

Yes. Yes I can. It was actually a very professional assessment and response to what I might need vs. where I started. Here's the new direction and one I am much happier with it style-wise (notice that I need to add a shoulder on the left side of the first photo). Once I find a photo that I like, then I might play around with the colors some. The process is the fun part!

SSSSSUUURRRRRRRPRISE!

It started with a night the cousins met at Mick and Laura's for dinner. I had left already, but Mick, Laura, Ashley, Joey, Will and Natalie decided that if Uncle Steve and Aunt Debbie weren't going to throw themselves a 60th birthday, then they were going to. Invites were sent out and the restaurant was booked.

And then... we waited. Who would spill the beans?

NO ONE!

I didn't get the actual surprise photo, but there's no way Auntie and Uncle knew. They arrived at Chevy's and the party was already in full swing. I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time.

Look.Kin. GOOD!

Wai, wai, waaaaaaaiiiiiiiit. What is this stuff?

Thus begins the sweet tooth.

2 out of the 3 Amigos.

Hope you got your wish :)

For You Two:
Whew! You made it to 60, what a wild ride,
You started apart, now you're side-by-side

Kids, dogs, and trips-- you've been through it all
Now you can be there with the other trips and falls

Hearing may get worse, so prepare for that too
If the TV can't get louder, there's Closed Captioning for you.

Reading these words may require translation or glasses,
If you go to an old folks home, you'll fit in with the masses

So Happy Birthday to Unkie & Auntie
Oh shoot, the only words that rhymes is "panty."

If this is how 60 looks in my family, I'm not worried at all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNCLE STEVE & AUNT DEBBIE!

Sixpence None the Richer

The phrase "Sixpence None the Richer" is from a book called Mere Christianity. In it, C.S. Lewis tells a story where a child asks his father for a sixpence to buy his father a gift. According to Leigh Nash, a singer from a band of the same name, "The father gives the son the money and is happy with the gift that he gets. But he realizes that he’s not any richer, because he gave the child the money in the first place. So C.S. Lewis is comparing that to his belief that God gave us the gift that we have. And that’s to serve in the way that we should. We should be humble about it and know where the gifts came from."

I'm learning so much about myself and my limitations every day and I wonder what all of these "lessons" are culminating toward. First of all, I can't wait to be free from debt. That is my idea of happiness. Honestly I wouldn't mind being dirt poor as long as my debts were paid. There are so many Biblical principals that I am learning, the most important one is of the widow who knew she lost a coin a searched everywhere until she found it, the lesson being that she had a full accounting of everything she had and knew when something went missing (Luke 15:8-10). It's my responsibility to keep a full accounting of what  I have and where it goes. Turns out money going out is way easier than money coming in; it's up to me to be responsible and discerning.... and to work really, really hard.

This is why I am proud to introduce Tawny LaBarbera, official writer and businesswoman. My new website will have links to all my personal articles, copywriting, editing, and design pricing, and past examples. That's right, www.tawnylabarbera.com is live! It's my goal to have my first e-article available for Kindle by the end of May. Yes, I will also make sure that you are all informed on my progress.

I need your help voting on my first brand logo-- the one I will use until I can take updated photos. Please use the comments section here or on the blog Facebook link:

#1

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#2

#3

In the Do-It-Yourself category, I am getting really good at things that I would have paid for in the past.

Turns out that with a little time and practice, I too can become a professional. Even my hand is tan because I had an event and used a bronzer instead of going to a tanning booth or for a spray tan. Sure, I am talking about shallow things, but I'm able to sacrifice many things without sacrificing who I am (kinda girly).

See? Tan. And totally girly.

I call this my Jess look. Jess is the Character on the show New Girl and she cracks me up. She's inspired me to let me hair dry naturally sometimes. I'm finding freedom in breaking with perfection.

I do have a savings plan. Before: Normal Almond Container.

After: Complaint Jar, to be filled with quarters whenever a complaint come out of my month. If any of you decide to remind me about the complaint jar while I am complaining, you will cause me to have to add more to it. (Note, please don't complain that I did not decorate the jar. I'm not bothered by the fact that it's plain-- why are you?)

There are so many things that I can look around and see as gifts from the Father that don't have a pricetag attached that I am cherishing. I am "none the richer... but richer":

  Tommy nestled with Hoppa before church "just because." (Hoppa= Grandpa)

Baby Maura "Sissy-la-la" still isn't talking much, but she really can't get much cuter.

I don't want to be rich as the world thinks of rich. My list of dreams doesn't have many things listed on it, it's mostly places and people.

Not-So-Great Expectations

Last weekend I went to visit my practically-family friend Cathy in Redding. Anyone who knows me knows that Redding holds a special place in my heart. Stepping into Cathy’s house is like stepping into a time warp when I was 4 years younger and 1,000 times more naïve about how life was going to turn out by this point. There is a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother about how every 3 years Ted and Marshall watch all the Star Wars trilogy and talk about what life will be like 3 years into the future. Present Ted flashes back to each time he forecasted where his life would be he always “overforecasted” and life was always less than what he thought it would be when the time came to be. This leads present Ted to lose hope and project the least amount of “expectations” for his life 3 years into the future (2015). Of course, the ahhhhh part of the story was the moment he gave up, we see in 3 years, things were better than he ever expected, now watching the Star Wars trilogy with his newborn daughter. Here is a detailed review: http://www.unofficialhimym.com/2012/04/trilogy-time-review_10.html

Before I even watched this episode, I was in Redding, thinking about my past, and clearing out all of my expectations for the future. This has been a culmination of things I have been learning about myself this year. Expectations rob me of joy, and simply coming up with that conclusion is why this particular episode resonated with me so well. I have some decisions to make in the next couple of months: where to live, where to work, and how far do I push my searching radius. I'm leaning on the Lord so much for just next step that it's virtually impossible to plan months or even years down the road. He has made it so the lamp unto my feet only lights the path directly ahead of me. Time to walk by faith.

I think personal expectations caused a lot of feeling of personal failure in my 20’s, which is why visiting Redding is so healing for me. Not only is it a marker where things turned around for me, but I get to be around a godly lady like Cathy who feeds my heart and my body. Her brother and sister-in-law were also in town Friday night and it was good to see them again. They headed off to the movies and I got to catch up with my friend Wendy, whom I worked with while at the college. Her job at Simpson is exactly what I do now at the Junior College level. The next morning, Cathy's company left for home, and all her and I had planned on doing was going to the Zumba class that attended while in Redding. Then it was eating and movie day. I slept up until my alarm—over 10 hours, and got up just in time to eat and head to the class. Cathy was nervous about her first Zumba class in person and I was excited to have her try it.

We arrived at the Sun Oaks Tennis and Fitness Club about 10 minutes before the class was going to start. I walked up to the desk “Hi, I want to purchase 2 day passes please.”

“Are either of you members here?”

“Um, no.”

“We’re a closed club and you need a member to vouch for you.” An audience was gathering and I got all hot and bothered. I brought up the Zumba instructor I knew who TOLD me to come via Facebook,  I brought up that I had done this with no problems when I lived here 3 years ago… I even brought up, “But I have money and really want to pay you. Doesn't money mean that it's not closed anymore?" There was no swaying them and we got kicked out this closed club. In REDDING.

There was a very sweet woman who followed us out to the parking lot after overhearing the exchange and offered to sign us up under her name, but I was tearing up from embarrassment (as well as deflated expectations and rejection) and didn't want to go back in. Cathy and I got back in car and decided to go back and get Sophie and take her on a walk down by the river with us. I wiped the wimpy tears and decided that a change in the day was fine, I was just tired of surprises. (The tears at the club were more than just tears for not being able to work out that morning. The day before a group of my friends went on a day trip together and I didn’t know about it until I saw it on facebook, so that really hurt. But... I got over that too.)

Classy.

 

The day by the river was gorgeous. They even had  the gate open to the Botanical Gardens that you usually have to pay to get into, but it was our new "lucky" day. This is the Sounds of Water Fountain that is found very cool. Sophie was thrilled to see one big water dish.

We went home and whipped up leftovers from her week cooking for her family and I ate anything she set before me. After a movie (and subsequent nap time—that chair is the most comfortable one I’ve even been in), then Cathy suggested that we go to her old gym, which has a machine that will pop her spine into place and save her from a chiropractor visit, and had free weights for me. We called and got their day rates and headed over. When we pulled in the parking lot, there was a sign “Ask about our Buddy Rates.” She said to me, “Don’t go in and ask to buy a pass—let me see if I can get us in. I have an idea.”

Every time we left, this is where we would find Sophie watching for the car to return.

She went in an inquired about the Buddy Pass, said she had been a member before, then asked if we could check out the gym. I was sure that since she had been there before that they would make us pay, but the girl at the front desk looked around and said “As you can see there is no one here. Perfect timing to try it out.” I beamed at Cathy. Not more than 30 minutes later we were leaving, more sore and sweaty than we arrived but it was just the thing we needed. Cathy said her back popped right into place the moment she jumped on the arm “fly” machine. For dinner that night we made homemade pizza in an deep dish pan and watched Season 2 of Downton Abbey. Sunday was church and Thai food with Marty and Abbey and then it was already time to pack and head home. Sophie and I hated to leave so soon, but we don’t think we could take any more calories! :) It’s those mini-vacations that make the regular diet and workout plan worth it.

Even with set backs, I think I am learning to recover faster, which I think is the whole point. "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken."

Getting "It" Done

Today marks 64 days that I have been back in Modesto, which is the total amount of time that I lived in South Dakota. It's the amount of time that changed the course of my personal history; the amount of time that I learned more about myself than ever before. I’m still at peace, but the impact of everything that happened in SD makes me sad. I’ve had some very lovely and flattering suitors make their presence known since arriving home, but it doesn’t make sense of the emotion that come with the question: How could you want me when he so clearly didn’t?

Something hit me on the way to the gym Monday night. In my early 20's I KNEW that I needed to get my degree and I let myself be distracted with anything else other than getting my degree. It was like there was a locked safe that was full of my self-confidence that would not be unlocked until I finished school. *Note: this is not the case for everyone. I know some very wonderful and confident people who didn’t finish college and they have knowledge and reasoning that can’t be found in a classroom.* But for me, I had been lingering in a world of my own making, learning only through my personal experiences (read: the hard way) and needed a great deal of perspective. When my goal was accomplished, I felt like I was finally a valid member of society, crossing over an invisible threshold into adulthood. I remember that I even wrote an ex-boyfriend after graduation and said, "I'm ready now." Obviously I had past regret and I felt like the accomplishment of this huge goal in my life grew me up to feel ready for someone to accept me because for the first time I accepted me. It's now taken me 3 years after graduation to realize that my B.A. is not the only goal that I have needed to pursue.

In my college years, I was the thinnest of my 20’s, mostly due to stress and sickness, cutting out all gluten and running solely on coffee for those 2 years. My lightest weight was due to a very emotional breakup. Here’s the honest truth: I have told myself multiple times since then that I need to recreate the emotional stress in order to be that thin again. Let’s review how sick and twisted this is-- I wanted my heart broken so that I would stop eating. If I really want to therapy this out, I was hoping to transfer the power to take action out of my hands and give it to someone else who would be very careless with it and cause me pain for a benefit that could only be seen on the outside. I tell you this because that is what hit me on the way to the gym this week: I'm finally going to hit my fitness/weight goals and I will do so by doing it the hard way... with all the strength God gives me, and all the willpower that I can muster. When I see my clothes fit and know the sweat and tears that went into it. Speaking of clothes fitting, I haven’t wanted to or bought an article of clothing (that wasn't workout related) since arriving home now that I’m discovering how much of my closet I can fit in to. Turns out I was buying clothes to cover up or mask what I didn’t want people to see instead of changing what was underneath.

There's more: it dawned on me that I thought once I did one thing the hard way (school) then everything else would come easy. It’s just not true. The most fulfilling things in life are not just handed to you, they have to be fought for and protected and defended and earned.

I’m finding similar revelations regarding my relationship with the Lord, and learning about the need for the consistent pursual on my part and am trying to figure out how to incorporate that into my other goals. This one has to trump all of the others or I will fail. “Seek ye first…” those words hang in the air around me and whisper quietly in my ears even in the busiest of times. There is a lot of time for prayer during certain workouts (cardio machines are my least favorite), but focused study has to happen at other times. Free time—what’s that? The old adage goes that if you make time for the Lord then you have more time and energy then you ever thought you could to get everything done throughout the day. I’m putting this to the test. I HAVE to make sure that both of these areas of my life thrive symbiotically or I just know that anything I attempt to do ahead of seeking the Lord first will fail… and it will be breaking a commandment. Ewww.

The next big goal is to do a focused writing article and send it off for possible publication, but I am terrified of so many things. Rejection. Backlash. Disclosing too much. I can hardly sleep at night when I think about where to begin. So I continue to add to the list of potential topics until I can develop one of those topics fully. Not sure why, but  for the longest time, I thought that I had one shot so I better make it good. I'm learning to relax and write a lot of little articles to have as a portfolio. There's a plan! In less than a month Tawny LaBarbera will be more than my name— it will also be my business. Think the world is ready?

A Must Read: Our Great 8

Everyone once in a while, a story comes along with as much depth and personal revelations as this one from my friend Natalie. I met Natalie while I was attending Simpson University. I volunteered for the Awana program at church and she was one of the leaders. She is also a Zumba instructor and invited me to my very first class. I had such a fun time that when I moved, I couldn't find another instructor like her-- so I became one!

She began blogging about her family's journey about adoption from Ethiopia. You haven't missed much-- she just started the blog back in February. Go back and read from the beginning as she transparently discloses what the process has been like for her family. And get out tissue. You can't say I didn't warn you. Sweet sweet spirited family.

http://www.ourgreat8.com/

Working and Working Out

Chilis... Will be be working there?
The short answer is probably not. When I had the final interview with the Regional Manager, I started listing off everything that I was involved in and it sounded verrrry overwhelming to my ears. I think it did to his as well. When I called back, he was on vacation, and when I called back the next time, the manager they told me to ask for was on vacation. In the meantime, I started to assess my life and decided that since I didn't live close to Chilis yet and my schedule was filling up quickly, maybe I should look for a catering situation instead. Work 3 or 4 times a month, in a different venue every time sounds like the perfect summer job. So, I am looking for just that situation now.

How are things?

I have a rule that I have been trying live by since moving home. As much as I can, reserve weeknights for working, working out, or bible study. This is after decades of watching my folks have a routine that I considered boring... I now consider it effective. You read this correctly: my parents were right. Turns out that I am a creature of habit just like they are *swallows pride*  On top of that, I recharge alone and so planning time for myself is absolutely necessary. Now this whole weeknight things is not a hard and fast rule so please don't hold it against me. Sometimes I meet with a friend for dinner after work because she commutes an hour in for work and it makes sense to meet up during the week. I have to profess my unending guilt now, at this moment, that I simply can't so everything that I want to do. The plight of the independent single woman is not always  fully understood to others. It's just me: money, time, energy. I have no one to hide under or give my priorities to. I think my diets and workouts are very fair "me" times because I don't have those familial ties... yet. The guilt I have by making some decisions are not others can't be explained sometimes, but I try so hard to be very fair. Please don't let it hurt you if I have to say no to something. Cousin Lesley Miller recently wrote a blog that quoted a blog that said instead of saying that you are busy or don't have the money, you should instead say "you aren't a priority" instead. Maybe I read it wrong, but no way would I ever say this. If I am busy, I hope that you trust me enough to know my schedule and limitations. I'm living fully in whatever moment I am in and in that way, I will be fair to everyone.

Are you still dieting?
Yes, I am on day 79 of the diet (as long as there is no candy corn in the house!) and I've increased my work outs to 5-6 times a week. More on that later.

I downloaded my camera pics: Please follow me down photo lane for more stories:

Here's my South Dakota insurance office. Step inside to be transported back to 1960.

Meet Noah, a man I dated a couple times before returning home. He worked for the hospital and was more than sweet...

....And he reminded me completely of Redding Ryan (boyfriend of '08) except for the dirty clothes and the emotional imbalance.

Superbowl Sunday, chicky was killing me in this purple top and red ruffle bottoms.

Tommy's 3rd birthday was Dinosaur Train theme. I have never liked playing dinosaurs so much in my life.

He looked like such a big boy-- and Maura wanted everything he got.

The 5K- Modesto Marathon

It was her first 5k, and Mallory dragged me to this thing. I mean d-r-a-g-g-e-d. It was a rainy St. Patrick's Day weekend and I tried to make her quit in the days leading up to it. She was not having it. I even drank too much the night before the race (to sabotage the race of course) and texted her, "I want to sleep in, go without me." She threatened me within an inch of my life, ergo, I woke at 5:30 and got ready. And I am so glad I went because we had an absolute blast. Our friend Melissa join us and our enthusiasm could not be contained. Modesto really did this event right, and they planned everything perfectly. Kudos!

We did it! We finished in under an hour and I wanted to weep at the finish line. I am so proud of my determined sister! I'll let her tell you how much she is working out (if you are her friend on FB you can't miss it), but let me just tell you that you won't recognize this girl by the reunion in November. She's been my inspiration and this time next year, she'll be running circles around me!

This past Friday night, Jen Sasser got married to her Prince Charming (he goes by 'Mike"). It was at a beautiful B&B in Sonora and their joy lit up the room. Congratulations... you made it!

This dress could have been drab gray and I would have worn it... the shape was incredible. It was from Victoria's closet and I just had to wear it to the wedding-- because it fit. This is my latest "progress" photo.

This past Saturday night I went with a group of girls to Victoria's Bikini Competition in Sacramento and I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. BTW all the food on the table is diet, but I opted for cheese in mine... it's my one weakness!

Victoria is in the blue in the middle. You can see now why she owns a fitness studio.

V's spray tan next to Melissa's arm. It was unreal.

ZUMBA

ZUMBA is going really well actually and I have been loving my classes. This week and next I picked up another class to teach so it's been a good side job for me. Plus, a lot of my friends come to class so it's almost the most social hour that I get every week. Thank you to all of you who come and make it fun to workout.

Yesterday I was in the kitchen all day cooking my food for the week. Lean meat, boiled and baked brussel sprouts, and blanched and roasted almonds. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Last week I entered a Photoshop contest for my favorite morning radio hosts. I placed in the top 20 and was just fine with that.

"Frodo and Sam in 20 years."

Lastly, the next 3 photos are why I am here. Maura and Tommy playing quite cute together for me yesterday morning before church. I look at these and flash back to Mick and I around that age. I remember more than you'd think!